The Visceral Value of Mindfulness in Asana Practice

When I first started practicing yogasanas or yoga postures, I found savasana or corpse pose to be the most difficult by far. I do not mean to say that this closing posture has become easy, however I believe that I am beginning to truly reap its benefits practice by practice. Initially, holding my body still without tension was incredibly challenging. My mind fluctuated and hence my body was tense and had a tendency to wriggle and jerk rather randomly when I was trying my best to stop the movements. I still find savasana to be decidedly challenging, however, the longer I hold it, the more I do not have the urge to move my body. I wonder, if slowly, but ever so surely my practice of savasana is improving over the years. I can only hope that with persistence, the stillness I am finding in savasana will translate to the rest of my practice. I can already see that my experience of a variety of asanas is changing significantly as a result of my experience studying in Mysore at the Atmavikasa Centre of Yogic Sciences. I wanted long holds and oh my did I get what I asked for – most days anyway (every once in a while Yogacharya Venkatesha takes it easy on us). He has an incredible talent for seeing our potential with adept awareness before we are able to see it for ourselves.

I find myself wondering if I can truly find a sense of ease in all asanas or if stillness will always elude me in the most demanding of postures. However, when I look at headstand (srisasana) posture as an example of the change potentially available to me, I have faith that more is always possible, always plausible if I do not stop until the goal is reached. When I first started attempting to balance on my head, the posture brought up an immense amount of fear, so much so that my feet would not leave the ground no matter how much I cajoled them. I felt frustration, fear and disappointment on a regular basis when it came to my headstand practice. I remember telling myself that I would not even bother going to study with my teacher’s teachers at Atmavikasa until I was able to develop the courage necessary to stand on my head. Ironically, once I had developed the ability to stand on my head, I thought that it was not nearly enough – I must be able to fold into padmasana or lotus on my head, otherwise why would the teachers at Atmavikasa want to waste time with me. Once I could fold into lotus while balancing on my head – I still witnessed those thoughts of inadequacy. It was only then that the pattern became truly apparent to me. I realized that conquering any posture, no matter how challenging, had little relevancy when it came to my progression as a yoga practitioner. It became painfully apparent to me that the only thing holding me back from furthering my study of yoga was my mind itself – the power of mindfulness in action. Thankfully it did not take much longer for me to work up the courage to take the leap to travel to India and fulfill my dream of studying with Yogacharya Venkatesha and Acharye Hema.

It is hard to articulate what it feels like to find stillness without tension in a yoga asana. I must admit that most postures requiring flexibility tend to provide an easier route to such stillness at this point in my asana practice. However, if asked to hold some strength based asanas for a prolonged period of time, it does not take long before my body shakes and my mind desperately wants to escape. Rest cannot seem to come soon enough when I am holding a difficult asana. While I can stay many minutes easily in some asanas, in others I notice my mind telling me it is impossible to stay even 30 seconds, let alone a full minute (intense pose or utkatasana – colloquially known as chair pose is a great example). While I have the flexibility necessary for the aforementioned pose, I have not yet developed the strength of mind and body necessary to stay the 3 minutes recommended by my teacher. I will figure out how to convince my mind that it is possible to stay and my body will gain more strength over time. For now, I have the opportunity to learn a very useful lesson every single time I practice this particular asana; it is incredible how much my mind fluctuates! A mere 30 seconds can seem like a lifetime – a seemingly unmanageable amount of stress with arise within my body and mind. I notice my mind proposing many a reason as to why I do not need to stay, including many pleas to avoid the sensations that are currently being experienced.

The longer I remain in a posture when all my mind wants to do is run away, the more opportunities I have to observe its habitual tendencies. I notice all of the methods my mind comes up with to avoid sensation and discomfort. This is even more apparent when I stay longer in a posture that I have sufficient strength and flexibility to hold and yet my mind still remains an obstacle. Standing back bending postures are a fantastic example of my mind becoming the primary obstacle necessary to conquer one breath at a time. I literally must bring my wandering focus back to every inhale and exhale in order to stay longer. When I remain longer in a standing backbend, all of my tendencies toward fear in the face of discomfort arise very quickly. Although I do not feel any physical pain in back bending, and very little physical stretch if any – I certainly feel a great deal of resistance in my mind. When tension is present in my mind, I find it incredibly difficult to remain still, let alone breath calmly and easily. On the contrary, when I return my mind to my breathing repeatedly, even in the face of visceral fear, I am able to do things that I never thought I could do. The most fascinating observation I have made is that if you stay beyond the fear and the desire to squirm, the mind becomes infinitely stronger than it was before you chose to stay. Not only, does facing my fear on the mat help me immensely in terms of deepening my asana practice, it also allows me to face fears that are present away from the mat as well.

Cultivating mindfulness in asana practice requires long, static posture holds, allowing for the mind to focus entirely on the breathing, despite possible discomfort in the physical body. The process of fixing the constantly fluctuating mind on an asana has unending potential. The practice of a posture or exercise does not truly become asana practice until we fix our attention and stay longer to observe our breathing and the fluctuations of the body and mind. We can learn a great deal about a posture as it transitions into an asana by attempting to stay focused on our breath rather than allowing the inherent fluctuations of the mind to force us to come out before we can go deeper. The more I focus my mind, while on my head for example, the easier it is to identify my tendency to hide when challenges arise. Although I certainly have more ability to recognize my inherent bravery now more than ever before, I still notice the urge to run from discomfort toward comfort. The human mind certainly likes the familiar and the comfortable. My mind is no different. However, I am finding more and more tools through mindfulness in asana practice to control the sly tendencies of my mind, no matter how much it squirms when asked to face the uncomfortable.

I have found that the Atmavikasa approach to practice consistently encourages me to cultivate single pointed focus when practicing every given posture – creating the potential to fully experience that asana. Classical yoga practice is not about moving quickly from one shape to another, rather it is about remaining still and noticing what comes up. Once you stay longer, you have the ability to observe what changes and what stays the same, allowing you to slowly but surely begin to understand the shape you are creating from the inside out. When staying longer in a posture, you become able to observe even the smallest of changes, the tiniest of movements in the body and the subtlest of precise alignments. It also becomes viable to notice your mind and all of its thought patterns. Within the context of asana practice, I am able to observe the thoughts that repeat in my mind, rather than becoming absorbed in them. Like most humans, I have a tendency to have one thought and then allow my mind to run away with further related thoughts, until my mind is no longer in the difficult asana in question – rather it is begging me to exit the posture. Even short holds of strong asanas frequently have this impact on many of us.

I find, even after years of practice, that my body and mind both are more than willing to quit, to drop all dedication in favour of rest. Obstacles are simply a part of this ancient science of studying the mind and its traps. In order to remain in the postures that challenge me most, I must ignore the pleas of the mind and muster my inner determination to remain long enough to build strength. I am not only referring to strength of the musculature but also the mind itself. Strength or flexibility might be available to many of us in short durations, however, if asked to stay longer, the body quivers and the mind revolts. So much can be learned through the action of remaining still even when both the body and mind want to move more than anything else. The most comical and desperate thoughts run through my mind when my body is struggling to hold an asana. Luckily my character includes lots of tenancity that helps me continue even in the face of failure. Unless my muscles are truly and fully exhausted – I always want to try again. Chances are this is part of why it is not uncommon for 4 or 5 hours to pass in mere moments during my home practice.

Exploring the resistance within my own mind is always the most challenging component of my asana practice – once I ignore that craving to escape discomfort, the sky is the limit to use a common cliche. The path of least resistance on the other hand, generally leads to confusion, fluctuation and lack of ability to focus. The longer you remain in a posture, the more likely it is that you will begin to approach asana practice, rather than a simple exercise. So often as directed by many lineages and approaches to yoga, students choose not to stay longer in postures, causing them to miss the rich potential available to them. We cannot really understand an asana if we do not remain long enough to be challenged or to become truly still. Stillness is hard to come by in many fast paced cultures and societies. The value of cultivating the ability to become still (both mentally and physically) does not appear viable to many people. I am baffled as to why so many choose to water down this traditional and scientific approach to practice – the value of yoga becomes less and less with each component of mindfulness that is removed.

Many styles of yoga posture practice can contain some value in terms of physical health, strength, and flexibility. However, I have experimented with a wide range of styles and lineages over the last decade and it is clear to me that staying longer is most certainly the key to reaping the most benefit from this classical practice of controlling the mind. Not only can moving too quickly through a sequence of postures cause injury or result in lack of focus, furthermore, you are likely to be left with less than half the potential benefit the asana has to offer. The longer we stay, the more we can begin to notice the nuances of a pose and really settle into the precise alignments. From my personal experience and that of my teachers, it is holding with precision and time that yields by far the most benefits. We are robbing ourselves of what could be when we rush from one posture to the next without truly understanding each and every asana. Studying consistently with the same teacher for the last few years of my practice has been immensely beneficial for me and travelling to India to study with my teacher’s teachers has been an incredibly inspiring progression of that experience. I remember reading somewhere that when the student is ready, the correct teacher will appear – I feel that that adage could not be more true in my case.

Some asanas are easier to hold longer, at least in my body, such as seated forward folds. It is not until I hold such postures for longer periods that I start to really become still. With practice, I have been learning how to find stillness to the best of my ability and remain with that stillness for as long as possible. As time passes here in Mysore, I find myself surprised by how fast some of the “long” holds go by for my mind. I have found myself wishing for longer holds in some postures where stillness is more quickly available to me. Such thoughts and interesting responses regarding moving to the next asana in the sequence at Atmavikasa have already inspired me to stay even longer in these postures during my home practice on the weekends. The weekend no longer feels like a time when I am obligated to practice, rather it feels like an exciting exploratory expedition, where I am unendingly curious as to what I might discover next! I challenge myself to remain until my mind struggles and then I do not come out until I am able to quiet my mind sufficiently such that the transition out of the asana is as peaceful as possible – or when my physical musculature fatigues completely (often whichever comes first).

Other postures challenge me so much on a physical level that I am far from true asana practice – I anticipate years of diligent work will be required before ease occurs in such postures. One of the asanas that brings up struggle and challenge for me is called shalambhasana (locust pose). Despite plenty of flexibility, I do not yet have sufficient strength to hold this posture for long. I imagine it is likely due to a lack of mental and physical strength, rather than just the latter. As I try to lift my legs from the floor, my breath begins to go faster, my heart pounds and my mind screams “impossible”. I find triangle pose (Utthita Trikonasana) to be a walk in the park by comparison. Until I can control my mind when moving into locust – I will be far from truly expressing the potential of this asana. Every time I am losing confidence in my ability to grow in an asana such as locust – I remind myself of how much my srisasana (headstand pose) practice has changed over the last few years. Over years of attempting repeatedly, even when I fell, even when I wobbled immensely, I finally came to a point where I could breathe and stay longer. At first, I almost entirely held my breath when trying to stand on my head. I learned more about holding my breath at first than headstand itself. I recall having a habit of spontaneously and unconsciously yelling out profanity when trying to find my balance. It likely would have appeared to have been quite a comedic production for the proverbial fly on the wall. Remembering how much my relationship with headstand has changed gives me hope for my ability to develop mindfulness in asanas such as locust as well.

Life is full of challenges, fear and potential suffering, however, when I face my obstacles on the mat, I am able to grow stronger with courage, not allowing tension to rise. Even more importantly, if tension or fear takes hold, I am able to notice those sensations and thoughts, stopping them in their tracks. The power and skill that is observation can be cultivated in the context of asana practice. If I am mindful when practicing a yoga posture, I am gifted the opportunity to notice all of my habits in the face of discomfort. Once I am aware of my mind’s habits, it is that much easier to throw out those old habits in favour of new habits with greater utility that will serve me now and in the future. I am consistently amazed by how growing courage on the mat allows me to become stronger in all aspects of life. Even when I am faced with the full gamut of human emotions in the space of a day or a week, I am able to tackle the source of each emotion with bravery and consistency. When I face a challenging asana and succeed – or better yet when I fail, and don’t let it stop me, I grow stronger and develop more mental resiliency that can be applied to all manner of circumstance.

One of the secrets I have learned for cultivating mindfulness in asanas is finding a sense of ease within necessary effort. Although it may seem like an inherent contradiction to be able to find both effort and ease at the same time, I assure you it is possible. Working hard is essential in some asanas, however it is just as important to find simultaneous peace and ease. I have been blessed with flexibility which allows me to find ease quickly in some asanas, however it also makes ease very difficult to cultivate in others. I imagine that eventually with consistent practice, and significant effort, that sense of ease will become available to me in every asana. Sutra 1:21 (one of my favourites) tells us that the amount of determination we apply to our practice is directly correlated to our success. I now find myself with more energy than ever before and intend to apply it vigorously to my practice in every sense of the word. I have not only learned how to be more mindful in each day of my asana practice, but also how to continuously apply such mindfulness to all aspects of my life. Whether I am spending time cooking for my family, looking after my mum, husband and dog, or enjoying time in nature. I know that I have the ability to be completely absorbed no matter what I have chosen as my current activity. I look forward to continually integrating all of this additional mindfulness into each and every moment of my life.

If you seek to cultivate serious mindfulness in your practice, you will find what you need in Mysore at the Atmavikasa Center of Yogic Sciences

Discipline = Healing

Prior to arriving in India, I had intentions of increasing my sense of discipline and I am happy to say that those intentions are certainly coming to fruition. I also intended to increase my ability to objectively observe my mind, which is another intention that is becoming more viable with each passing day. In addition, I assumed that my physical body would change significantly both internally and in terms of what others could observe externally. I found myself in Mysore at the Atmavikasa Centre of Yogic Sciences ready to work hard and transform as much as humanly possible in the space of three months. I felt very privileged to be have 21% of a year to focus all of my energy on personal growth and healing. I desired inspiration and a reboot on every level of my being. I was facing pain, both present and past – cognitive, emotional and existential – some of which I had been choosing to avoid with food consumption. I simply could not imagine facing all of the pain – sometimes I felt that I only had sufficient power to face some of it. Such feelings were merely illusions; I discovered that I had the power and courage to conquer each and every obstacle all along.

Considering how much I had already been through up until that point, I now can see how my overwhelming fear of facing the pain was inherently irrational. I had already been through the worst of it – now my work was primarily purging and letting go of all the old residue. I had allowed myself to titrate some of the pain over the last decade – but was afraid of doing all the deep work necessary to cleanse myself of the remaining poison inside. I wondered prior to coming to Mysore: what if I break down completely and cannot put myself back together? Am I really strong enough? I have discovered that sometimes we must break the shackles of the past in order to find clarity in terms of self-perception. Childhood was a brutal time of my life and I often felt just the way that I have described above – afraid, always waiting, watching for more violence and uncertainty. As I continue to work through the fear that was etched into every cell of my body early in life – I am starting to know that I am stronger and more powerful than any of that fear, no matter how massive and insurmountable it may seem. Even a past containing memories of a violent, alcoholic father cannot harm me any longer. The more I practice with serious discipline, the easier it is to see the reality that I am strong beyond measure.

Although I practiced regularly at home, my consistency was imperfect. I have found this period of practicing non-attachment through consciously removing myself from my normal social environment and all my comforts has been very useful in terms of developing a deeper sense of discipline. I am still certainly far from perfect, despite my desire to be so, but now I am successfully releasing many years of pent up toxic emotion, along with physical residue from an imbalanced approach to food. Yoga Sutra 1:21 tells us with great logic that the more energy we put toward yoga practice, the faster our results will manifest. I have witnessed fascinating changes in my body, and mind over the last eight weeks. The biggest component of discipline I have appreciated (aside from learning about a different approach to food) is a consistently longer daily pranayama practice – before coming to Mysore I would do a seated practice for only 20-25 minutes, and only 5-6 days a week. I have found the benefits of a 30 minute daily pranayama practice for over two months to be epic and 100% worth my energy. Already, I am noticing much confidence and strength developing both physically, cognitively, and emotionally. I am grateful to have learned so much about cultivating additional discipline in my life and practice – the best part is that I can take all of my learning back home to integrate into my regular life.

When making drastic changes to one’s eating habits or daily physical and mental disciplines, it is amazing how dramatically the body can react. While I was planning my trip to Mysore to study with my teacher’s teachers, I did not anticipate how brutal the physical symptoms of an extreme change in eating habits might be when I started following the dietary restrictions suggested by the teachers at the Atmavikasa Centre of Yogic Sciences. Back at home, my omnivorous eating habits included healthy grains, vegetables and fruits of course, but it also included too many sugars and fats that I chose to eat in order to avoid emotional pain. I already enjoyed many bananas, which were highly recommended when I arrived in Mysore, however overall I simply consumed more food than needed. My eating habits had gotten progressively less healthy for my body over time and I suffered from the symptoms of severe anemia as well. The symptoms of anemia held me back in terms of asana practice in particular, causing extreme fatigue, frequent bruising and very slow muscle recovery. I assumed that once I arrived in India that my biggest struggle was going to be the emotions that I often avoided with food. However, my physical body decided to show me just how much it did not enjoy how I had been treating it instead.

I began following the strict food disciplines offered by the teachers at Atmavikasa almost nine weeks ago. They told us to consume no sugar, animal products, oils, bread, junk food in general, caffeine and so on. Luckily I do not enjoy consuming caffeine so I did not have any headaches. However, I experienced a variety of other symptoms as my body adjusted to the extreme change in eating habits, as I have been an omnivore or vegetarian for most of my life (never vegan). You can call what I have experienced a detox or more simply, my body’s reaction to such a huge change – either way my physical body, not to mention my mind fought tooth and nail through the process. I experienced fever, chills, nasal/chest congestion, diarrhea, and a very unpleasant day of vomiting. My teacher was concerned about the symptoms lasting for so long (ended up being over a 10 day process) and so asked me to go for blood tests. It is plausible that my system was vulnerable due to all the change and I contracted a stomach flu virus as well. Happily the test results all came back normal, despite the symptoms I had experienced, leaving me reassured that no serious tropical disease was present. Not to mention, the unbelievable amount of tears I shed served as an epic emotional catharsis – I felt as though I was releasing years of pent up rage, pain and grief in a matter of days.

Due to the full panel of blood tests, I became aware of an amazing result in terms of my blood iron levels – it turned out that I was no longer anemic! Last time I had been tested, the concentration of iron in my blood was very low (only 7.2) and now it is well within normal levels (66). The range for normal iron levels in a female is 28-150, so as you can imagine I was pleasantly surprised by such a dramatic change in my blood chemistry! I suspect that the spinach, banana and coconut water smoothies were the primary reason for this change. As suggested by my teachers, I also had been consuming a significant quantity of sprouted mung beans, dates and raw beets, which are all high in iron. I certainly made a huge alteration to my regular eating habits, including unusually large quantities of fresh fruits, primarily the fantastic banana. All of the natural sugars left me with absolutely no sugar cravings, which was another surprise for me. I was very happy with all the positive blood chemistry results and have much more energy than I did when I arrived here two months ago. I am pleased to have a great way to combate anemia with nutrition rather than iron supplements which are very rough on the digestive system. I feel inspired because anemia has been an issue for quite a while! It makes me happy that my levels are now high enough that I can be a blood donor again too.

Studying at Atmavikasa has had SO many layers that I struggle to know how to articulate all that has transpired. Now, even with almost nine weeks of study completed, I still feel as though I am at the beginning, only merely starting the work that has yet to come. We are never finished when it comes to studying our tendencies. After a given amount of time, it is necessary to see the past for what it is and we must choose to use our energy for transformation rather than rumination. Luckily, the more we choose to cultivate discipline in our lives, the easier it is to focus on our goals, follow through with our actions and attain the results we seek. A great example of how persistence has yielded incredible results is memorizing how to chant the Yoga Sutras. I have struggled to wrap my brain and tongue around these ancient Sanskrit words and yet I am endlessly grateful for the challenge. Not to mention that my memory in general has improved significantly as a result. Perhaps the most beautiful part of a consistent yoga practice is that we are always learning, whereas in many other fields of study, there is a finite amount of knowledge available to us. Within the context of yoga practice, we get to be the scientists, using our own bodies as laboratories where we can perform fascinating experiments until the end.

The doubts that arose during the process were powerful and at times nearly smothering. When we choose to cultivate additional disciplines in our lives, and push ourselves beyond perceived limits, the mind often throws a fit and freaks out – screaming for the safety and strength it does not yet know how to find. That part of my mind was rife with desperation, craving the safety it did experience as it was developing. Yet, I chose to stop myself when doubtful and negative thoughts replayed in my mind. I reminded myself that despite my habits lacking perfection, I had tried my best with where I was at any given time. I am working hard to recognize pitfalls and mistakes either as they are occurring or in the best case scenario, prior to falling into those old holes or habits. Over time, I am learning how to continue with what works and leave what doesn’t serve me. Accepting that sometimes I must do less in order to heal is a lesson that I have been confronted with many times and I believe that due to this epic experience, I will be much more able to discern when less is necessary and when it is not.

My teachers guided me through the challenging days and even insisted that I rest (meaning no asanas for 3 days, doing less in morning asana class for another week and no back bending for over a week) even when my mind was fighting to attend class despite the weak state of my physical body. At that time, it felt as though I had travelled half way across the world to do nothing – I was either lying in savasana, sleeping and or resting in stillness. In the process of being forced to physically rest, I became that much more aware of my mental patterns – my inherent desire to work hard and go to class even when I clearly needed to physically rest and practice in a different way. Being separated from the classes and my classmates for that time – especially when they enjoyed the privilege of spending a Saturday morning walking and talking about philosophy with our teachers was rattling for my mind. During that day, I had moments where I felt alone and despondent. However, I quickly came to realize just how crucial it is to maintain mental discipline when I am alone – those moments when we are isolated are often the most difficult and yet full of potential as well. I learned that sometimes practicing yoga means surrendering to rest.

Surrender is not something that comes easily to me. In fact, I would argue that surrendering to the practice and its transformative power has been a significant struggle for me in many phases of my life. No matter how far you go, no matter how much work you do in terms of yoga practice – there is always more to be done. I am learning that perfection is not a static state, rather it is a state of constant evolution. Perhaps what draws me most to the practice of yoga is that very fact: we never need to stop learning, we can choose to learn as if we will live forever. In the darkest moments of the period in question, I felt as though I was being swallowed by the depths of my old pain, fear, grief and rage. There are so many periods and experiences in life that leave us gasping for our proverbial breath – wondering if we can go on. I believe that the most powerful aspect of a consistent and disciplined yoga practice is knowing your own power, your own ability to be courageous even in the face of the worst possible memory or present circumstance. I am grateful to have been blessed with very experienced teachers who are able to share what they know as it applies to the other with great wisdom and clarity. They have been able to see that what I really needed most was to be reminded of my own inherent bravery and strength – my innate power and ability to handle absolutely whatever comes.

 

If you seek to cultivate serious discipline in your practice, you will find what you need in Mysore at the Atmavikasa Center of Yogic Sciences

Navasana & Malasana :)

Navasana & Malasana, otherwise known as boat pose & squat pose – two of my all time favourites!! Both are wonderful postures that can be adapted to be accessible to individuals in varying ways, I love the versatility of these postures, in addition to the many physiological benefits they offer: strengthening the core, legs, back, arms, as well as opening the ankles, feet, hips and lower back. I also find them both to be great opportunities to focus the mind during longer holds! An awesome combination if you ask me 😉

ENJOY!!!

Neck & Shoulders :)

Here’s another video for those of you trying to start a home yoga practice. If you are practicing chair rather than floor yoga right now, then please feel free to do these exercises while seated in a chair of your choice 🙂 This one focuses on releasing the neck, shoulders and thoracic spine (the middle of your back), as well as stilling the mind of course 😉 I hope you will find it informative and helpful!

ENJOY!!!

Yoga, Bananas & Nicaragua!

Spending a month in Nicaragua with my Yoga Teacher and 6 of my closest friends was a deeply intense learning experience, inspiring and life-changing to say the least. When the time came to get onto the first plane necessary for travelling to Nicaragua for the month long intensive required to complete my most recent Yoga Teacher training program, I was terrified. I was very afraid of flying, being away from home (my husband, my puppy…), and honestly I was afraid I could not do it, that I might run away from something that is incredibly important to me! I chose not to listen to my thoughts when they told me to run as fast as I could away from that first plane ride from Victoria to Vancouver. I swallowed my fear and boarded the first plane, then the second, then the third, arriving after a long day of travelling in a new, amazing, incredibly hot and unfamiliar place, about to embark on a life-changing experience on many levels.

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Our days in Nicaragua included numerous hours of yoga practice per day, including asana (physical poses), pranayama (breath control), meditation (concentration), philosophical discussion, chanting – plus lots of water drinking and banana eating 😉 Between 10 and 15 bananas a day to be exact – haha, I know that may sound bizarre, but all that banana consumption had an amazing effect – my body didn’t become sore the way I expected – hardly felt my muscles at all, making the month of rigorous practice a time during which I could examine my mental habits.

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When preparing for the intensive with my teacher Michelle, I figured that the physical aspects of the trip wouldn’t be even a remote challenge in comparison to the mental and emotional aspects of the experience. Evolution of consciousness is not a walk in the park, to be cliche about it – transforming fear, anger and sadness into useful energy, putting your emotion into your practice, whatever that is for you, is the secret. Using your emotional energy to put the work in, to find who you are and what you want – going after it without holding back – that is the secret I discovered when practicing 8 hours a day with my teacher for a month. Believing in yourself, begins with watching your thoughts, your words, your actions, your habits – knowing that these are the patterns that lead to the formation and maintenance of your character. We can choose who we want to be; we can choose how we want to change the world.

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Through my experiences in Nica, I learned that discipline is more important to me now than it has ever been in my life before – and those who know me well would tell you that I have always been a tenacious, dedicated person, regardless of the passion I was focused on, getting perfect grades through university as a prime example, and now most importantly my daily yoga practice. Cultivating self-discipline is an enormous challenge but well worth the effort! image_1

I also learned that non-attachment or aparigraha, one of the philosophical precepts in yoga is an incredibly difficult practice, but again, well worth the effort. For example, being away from Steve, my husband for a month was so awful at first, I didn’t think I could survive a month away from him. I was wrong, although it was very hard, I noticed that I became stronger day by day. I chose not to talk to Steve over the phone while I was away which was terrible at first, and by the end of the month I couldn’t even remember what his voice sounded like at all! Email was a good way to stay in touch, but there is something very different about hearing someone’s voice. By the time I was preparing to leave for Canada, I was SO excited to see Steve again, and at the same time, SO grateful I had put in the effort in terms of practicing non-attachment 🙂 It’s going to be tough to let go of my new attachment to fresh coconut water though!! Crazy delicious stuff 😉image_7

It has been a surprising challenge to get my thoughts gathered and clear enough for writing this first blog about the Nicaragua experience! Ironically, I have this attachment, this habit of only putting myself out there, or in this case publishing a blog, when I feel the way I come across is perfectly articulate. Perhaps the best way to label this habit I currently possess, is perfectionism….I’d love to transform this habit into a new one, adopting the thoughts, words and behaviours of a recovering perfectionist!

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I certainly learned that I lack attachment to achieving specific challenging physical poses in terms of my yoga practice – something that was far out of my reach a few years ago and now has become a habit. I now practice physical poses because they heal my body, knowing that chronic knee and elbow pain, are no longer an issue at all due to my practice of asana! No matter how long my teacher wanted us to sit in meditation or pranayama during the intensive, I was good to go, completely comfortable in a physical sense. Of course, mentally and emotionally it was quite the challenge to sit for an hour a day, being as still as I could be!

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It was particularly hard to focus when several bugs were crawling on me…haha…it still amazes me how much easier it became to sit for these practices once I had returned home, no more crazy bugs biting, stinging or crawling up my nose! It was really great to learn so much about being still in the face of external distractions, that’s for sure. The first step to stilling the mind may be learning to sit, but it certainly isn’t the last – haha….it is only the beginning. Stilling the mind, reducing the effect its fluctuations have on my day to day thoughts, words, actions and habits is a constant challenge, requiring as much focus as I can muster.

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Yoga is my medicine, for anxious tendencies, depressive tendencies, for cultivating mental focus, strength both in a physical and mental/emotional sense. I know that I will practice yoga every day until I die. Just like Swami Vivekananda suggests, I want to “live as if I will die tomorrow and learn as if I will live forever” ~ practicing as best I know how to from day to day, week to week, throughout my lifetime, continuously learning more, acting like a sponge of knowledge 😉 I know this passion for learning more about yoga will allow me to continuously grow with my students, always cultivating more knowledge & experience to share with them.image_3

 I love yoga and I love teaching – thank you to my Yoga Teacher, Michelle Rubin, you help me find my limits and expand them, never allowing myself to say “I can’t”, remembering that whether I say I can or say I can’t, I will end up being right. Thank you for teaching me that although challenging your students is key to the process of growth, compassion for your students and yourself is necessary for balancing the intensity that comes with a dedicated practice. You must genuinely examine yourself, your habits, your fears and resist the urge to run from your darkest, most challenging moments – face it all, knowing that if we continue to practice, all is coming – whatever we seek is available to us.

 

 

Lone Tree Hill Practice

~ Wide open sky, clean air & beautiful arbutus trees – what a lovely afternoon 🙂
Daisy, Steve & I went on an awesome hike up Lone Tree Hill over the weekend.
Wow, what a beautiful view to be rewarded with after exploring the trails up to the peak!!!
I love an outdoor yoga practice too 😉 ~

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~ teaching Daisy how to stay still for photos is a great way to build patience, and happily she seems to be growing by leaps & bounds every day, such a smart girl 🙂
It helps that she loves yoga too! ~

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~it is so much FUN to have a puppy (well I guess she is a full grown doggy now) to play with & take on adventures!! And my girl always knows when it’s ‘yoga time’ 😛 ~

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~balancing on the top of a hill, mountain, log, whatever you can do to challenge yourself – all are fantastic ways to find more stability in balancing poses. Facing your fear of falling in a yoga asana also makes it SO much easier to be brave in every aspect of life!!! ~

Winter Sky + Malasana = Awesome Practice ;)

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I had a lovely little malasana practice on a chilly winter day recently. All variations on the traditional squat are some of my favourite ways to release the back & hips, such a lovely way to find balance AND the beautiful mountains/sky as a backdrop makes an outdoor winter practice all the more worthwhile!!!

Morning Practice & Inspiration

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A lovely morning pranayama practice ~ couldn’t think of a better way to start the day 🙂

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…one of my favourite quotes for when I need inspiration!!!

Yoga play day at Jordan River

My hubby and I took a fabulous trip out to Jordan River the other week and it was so much fun to explore the woods on the way to Sandcut Beach, the beach itself and a beautiful waterfall. Throw in a little yoga asana practice here and there, next thing you know it’s a yogatastic day 😉 Steve was kind enough to take a few photos of my practice out by the water, river and sand…including lots of sweet pics of the scenery itself!!!

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…what a lovely waterfall, the sound of the water crashing on the shore combined with the waterfall was perfect background for a practice 🙂

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…wow, balancing in the water is tricky! without a still point to focus my eyes on, crow was a serious challenge, nothing better to still the mind!!!

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…haha and I thought crow was a tricky pose when looking into the water, this variation of ardha chandrasana was harder, but felt good once I got it 🙂 yoga is always the best medicine when you aren’t feeling super balanced –  it certainly has a knack for helping me feel better..

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…that same weekend we could not help but travel out to the same beach area for another day of fun in the sun, complete with yoga and playing in the water 😉

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Steve told me it was worthwhile to stay still for a photo here, that water was chilly 😉 haha you tell me was the pigeon photo worth it 😀

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Loved playing with balance that day & it was super cool to be working my balance on top of that waterfall in the pictures from the day before ~ it was so neat!!!

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I’ve always loved those spots where rivers meet the ocean, Jordan River is no exception 🙂

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…and the perfect place for savasana of course!!! Love it 🙂